I didn’t want to start this entry with “I can’t believe it’s been nine month since I’ve blogged” because that just seems so banal. But it’s true and real, and so…yeah, it’s really been that long.
To offer reasons would take way too much time and energy, so I will share some bullet points of what has transpired since I wrote in May 2014 and you’ll know enough of why I haven’t been around for awhile:
• On June 7, Glenn and I celebrated our 29th anniversary at a delightful former hippie compound by the ocean. It start out as a non-anniversary trip because we were in a not-so-good place. But we wound up celebrating in the end, clinking glasses at a restaurant and saying, “Happy Anniversary! We’re still here!”
• At the beginning of August, we separated for two months with no contact.
• At the end of August, I completed a year-long certification process to become a spiritual director.
• In mid-September Glenn let me know he was not coming home after the separation was over.
• At the end of September a friend gave me the most wonderful trip to the Washington coast. It helped me process the inevitable. If you ever need to get away, go to La Push, WA!!! And try to go when there will be a clear sky at night; I have never seen so many stars in the Northern Hemisphere!
• Glenn filed for divorce in October.
• Survived — no, THRIVED — during the holidays with the help of God, friends, and family. (I thought about blogging through Advent but couldn’t quite get up the energy.) Was probably the most meaningful Advent season yet.
• Spent my first New Year’s Eve alone and enjoyed the peace and quiet; felt really good about how 2015 was beginning…
• …only to have my gut punched (emotionally) which sent me reeling for the remainder of January.
• Made the decision to move out of my place at the end of February and move in with friends.
• Made the decision to move to southern CA (Orange County) sometime in May or June.
A lot is ending, and much is beginning. As I prune away the deadwood from my life, new growth is revealed, and I am focusing on taking very good care of that growth. While I have much grieving to do — emotional health requires it, and a 29-year marriage is worthy of some honor — I also am rejoicing in the blessings of my life, and all of the possibilities that lie ahead.
I have a hard time journaling with pen and paper these days…too hard on these arthritic hands which are also plagued with fibromyalgia. I find blogging to be a helpful outlet, and if what I share can help someone else get through a tough day/month/season, then it’s worth the effort to cut open a vein.
Brené Brown talks about being willing to “get in the ring” and be vulnerable. Today I am making that choice, during what has been named one of the most stressful events a person can experience. Divorce is second only to the death of a loved one, though most people in my situation will tell you that it often feels like it would be easier if the person had died, because at least then it wouldn’t have been a choice. Unless it was suicide. But I digress… (PLEASE do not interpret that as saying I wish he were dead!) Of course moving is also in the top five stressors; might as well get it all over with at once, eh?
If my small audience is still around, sorry to have been gone for so long. I welcome your company on this journey of starting over…again.
I can’t wait to give Benedict a hug when I get to Heaven, and thank him for all the wisdom that was packed into his little phrase. I’m still pondering getting it tattooed on my arm.